Journey to the Center of an Egg

It is said that there are two things which all peoples of any culinary ability should be able to do.
1) Make Toast
2) Boil an Egg
To these I would humbly add a modern 3) Cook Ramen.

So why is it that I, who am certainly no Alton Brown, but likewise above the level of nuke-it-and-chew-it-chef, have so much difficulty with item #2?

The first time I failed at boiling an egg, Shelley very kindly reminded me of the basics: Don't put cold eggs in boiling water. Don't leave the heat on hi for 20 minutes. Don't throw the eggs into the pot from a distance of more than 3 feet.

Thus, for my second attempt I enjoyed a much firmer foundation. Still, the results weren't impressive. I can get the things cooked, no runny yellow seepage here, but in the process of doing so I must be doing something else wrong, because they just won't peel.

At this moment, at this exact moment, at least 2 to 5 of you reading this know exactly what my problem is. But I don't.

I'll point out that for me, this ova-pocalypse is in spite of my regular and consistent success with the same procedure in other environments. I've boiled eggs on a 1960s era electric stove in Oklahoma, a Soviet gas stove in Estonia, and numerous propane grills and open flame cooking fires across the wilderness of the American Southwest.

But not in New York. Here, *something* is different. What may never have been totally correct elsewhere still managed to work itself out. Here, it's by-the-book, and even that's not a guarantee. My third attempt I broke down and googled "how to boil an egg."

My shell still gets stuck. If you want to do something truly frustrating, try super-gluing an egg shell to a semi-solid membrane and then picking it off one flake at a time. For a more entertaining version, just watch someone else try the same.

I'm getting better, but this experience (as you may have guessed) has parallels outside the kitchen.

Returning to an academic environment has presented many challenges. Some of these are due to the obvious difference between graduate humanities studies and the "real world" of my former employment, while others are due to the specific nuances of either the NYC environs, or the Columbia expectations.

Put short, I'm at my best when I can resolve a problem through trial, error, and an almost MacGuyverian synthesis of alternate solutions. (Note: if I could actually achieve Guyverian solutions involving Japanese organo-body armour, that would be much cooler. And 5 bonus creds to anyone who's still with me).

But 'Mac was a man of the (mid?)West, and certainly not a New Yorker. I won't lay claim to summarizing the character of this enormous and diverse Metroponormity, but it's clear from my time already that while NYC may encourage creativity and improvisation, it doesn't care much for my parochial jerry-rigging.

Another good example is my continuing involvement with WKCR, the jazz radio station at Columbia. As I reported in another post, the initial contacts were rough. Despite working 8 years in radio, the powers-that-be decided that I need classes to learn how to be a DJ. It's what they expect of all their students, so why would I deserve an exception? OK, fair.

But today is a special day; today is the birthday of jazz legend John Coltrane. WKCR has a great tradition in which, on the birthday of certain jazz notables, they override all other programming and regular DJ shifts to present exclusively the music of that artist for 24 hours. Special DJ assignments are made, people fill in, etc. Very cool idea, and one which we stole and implemented monthly at KRTU in San Antonio.

Birthday Broadcasts represent my favorite aspects of local independent radio. They serve to highlight the less-famous works of an artist's career and they demonstrate a commitment to unique programming that larger, more formal stations cannot risk. I love them, both in concept and in practice, and for the past 5 years I've been able to be a part of many, many such broadcasts.

This year, KRTU was conducting it's regular annual event, and I wasn't there to be a part of it. It's my own fault - I moved away. WKCR is also doing a Coltrane broadcast, but because I am not yet certified, I was not permitted to participate. In San Antonio, even if I wasn't assigned a shift, I could work something out and get some air time, even long before I was Station Manager. In New York, no amount of reasoning or logical triangulation accomplishes anything. There are rules, and I must follow them. It's not tyrannical; it's not even unfair; but my complete inability to creatively circumvent the situation is very new and I'm still adjusting.

So I'll keep practicing my patience and adherence to actual rules. I'll remember that I'm not special, and that somethings must be done in a certain way.

Put another pot on the stove, get back in line, and pay close attention. This Texpatriot is learning your heathen ways, big city.

+ Weber (feeling semi-Lame)

P.S. you can hear the complete KRTU Coltrane Birthday Broadcast anytime in the next week from this page (pick any Tuesday 5am-10pm show)