Super Good Feeling

There are a lot of things I miss about Texas, and as the temperature on my virtual desktop continues to drop (It's 19* outside my single-pane windows!), that list isn't getting any shorter.  But there was one thing I always wanted while I live in SA that I was never able to arrange - a concert by Ben Allison.  He's a bassist and composer living in New York, and I had tried for years to come up with some excuse (or enough cash) to bring him to San Antonio.  

Such things aren't so far-fetched when your day job is running a jazz radio station.  Over the years, we brought in artists like Herbie Hancock, Chick Corea, McCoy Tyner, Dave Brubeck, etc.  It's a long list, and I'm very proud to have been a part of such efforts (and Kudos to the KRTU-crew for their recent Tom Harrell/Mulgrew Miller and upcoming Kenny Garrett shows), but despite my most cunning ploys, there was just 

never a good fit for Ben Allison, who it must be said is a very talented, but comfortably middle-pack jazz player.  He has his fans, such as myself, but he's not especially well-known even among jazz fans in general, nor is he one of these all-star sleepers that only the hippest know about and will one day burst out into international fame.

As for my potential BA man-crush, let me state that I an avid fan, but no obsessive.  I don't know his home address or his wife's name (I only know his daughter's name, Ruby, because of a song title, ok).  I happen to like his records, which I started digging early in my jazz education, and which have impressed me more and more with each new release.

He's played in NYC since I've been here, but I've never gone because... you know, who's got the time/cash/lack-of-excuses?  A free concert put on as part of a series by Carnegie Hall out in Queens gave me just the chance I couldn't pass up to finally fulfill this wish of mine.  

and it was great.  The music was good, the band was loose and having fun, and I happened to catch the band in only their 2nd or 3rd incarnation with a new member, the very talented and unique jazz violinist Jenny Scheineman.  

And I got it all on tape.

Well, solid-state digital to be more exact, but yes, I recorded it.  Boot-legged.  Pirated me some lo-fidelity club sound.  It replicates perfectly the experience of being an inhabitant of Liliput mistakenly dropped into someone's pocket on the way to a jazz club.

I didn't hang around for band autographs, only because I forgot and left my 5 Ben Allison CDs at home, thus having nothing for him to sign.  Since then, I've gone back and listened to the recordings a few times, and re-listened to some earlier Allison cuts.  I even did a one-hour webradio special on it, which you can check out here.

And it's got me thinking about the nature of fandom.

When I was younger, I was really into a band called Bleach.  Really into them.  I didn't think they were the most original, amazing, or coolest thing ever.  They were a christian alt-rock band, one of many, but one which for whatever reason really affected me.  I got all their albums, which I still enjoy, and I started going to concerts.  In fact, Bleach was my first concert ever, and it was amazing - played outside on a stage setup across from a columned court-house in downtown Oklahoma City right as a thunderstorm was starting to break.  I remember that, and most of my other Bleach concerts, vividly.  I was thrilled when a picture of the back of my head (identifiable at that time due to an unfortunate blend of black hair dye and actual bleach, which turned me "super-sayan" for anyone dorky enough for the reference to catch) from one of their Dallas concerts made it onto their website.  I even convinced my best friend to drive all the way from San Antonio to Nashville TN to catch their final concert, which I own on DVD, and find moving to watch.  How 'best' a friend is he?  He was the only jewish fan in a standing-room-only venue.

Since their retirement (Aug 29, 2004), I've been at a loss.  There are still plenty of bands I like (now comfortably outside the Christian Rock world and into the equally evangelical and maniacal Indie Rock zone), but nothing moves me the way Bleach did, and still does.

So what is this affection?   Is it like first love - something in theory we never get over because the first time was special?  Not sure I buy that, but honestly, the feelings I get just thinking about how Bleach tunes make me feel is not... normal?

Association with an earlier, simpler time in my life?  Pavlovian response?  Social conditioning?  I don't know what it is, but I'm a Bleach fan for life, and as new musical interests arise, I can't help wonder if they'll reach me like Bleach, or if not, why?  

I still feel cool, listening and enjoying the music of such recent raves as the Black Keys or Columbia-mascot Vampire Weekend.  I get it, to some degree I'm on the In, but I've lost the ability to get as excited about it as I did with Bleach.  The jazz edge gives me some more "cred" and I do really love it and get excited - but no Ben Allison CD (or even Monk, Mingus, Duke, etc) will ever replace my battered and worn Bleach discs.

so what does it all mean?  Should I abandon all hope and accept it as one of the many costs; that whole "loss of innocense" that my High School English teachers Mrs. Paque and Posh kept assuring me was buried in every novel?

I don't know, but it's making me feel wonderfully nostalgic, and just a little (lame).

Weber

::(lame) Texpatriot