Monday, August 30, 2010

Glenn Beck Rally: Been There, Heard That

With an estimated attendance of 87,000 people - far below the organizer's estimated 300,000 but still a respectable number - the sad truth is that only 0.03% of all Americans had the honor and ability to witness the Glenn Beck Jesus-Luther-Lincoln Rally in person. Recognizing the seminal importance of this event to the future development of America, Freedom, and Glenn Beck's paycheck, I made a point of attending the 8-28 Rally along with my Liberal friend Rob and my Lumix digital camera and techno-lifemate Olympus LS-10 Digital Audio recorder.

What follows are a few choice visual and audio samples - unaltered - to provide the other 310,023,000 Americans who weren't there to see and hear it themselves.

I want to be clear - For those who support the Beck-Jesus '12 ticket, the following contains obvious elements of your professed convictions of which you may not be aware.

For those who find the entire Tea Party movement uncomfortably racist and politically reactionary without any rational, meaningful, or positive contributions, these selections will better inform you about what Glenn Beck really stands for. And how it's actually worse than you thought.

Let's start with a Listening Session:



Audio Sample 1 - Glenn Beck & Closing Prayer
Near the end of his speech, Glenn Beck introduces a disabled Vietnam veteran-turned-pastor to give the closing prayer. The soldier in question was wounded when his own phosphate grenade detonated in his hand, instead of someone else's bunker, and the resulting damage... well, I'll let Glenn tell you about it in all its gory details. The clip is cut down from the original, and includes Beck's intro, part of the pastor's prayer, and Glenn's teary-eyed farewell.

Audio Sample 2 - Amazing Grace
In the finest age-old American tradition, this post-independence hymn was played by a troupe of bagpipers in (presumably?) authentic American kilts. As a symbol of English royal hegemony - written in 1779 by a former Royal Navy sailor and later Anglican clergyman - and performed with Scottish national war instruments, one can assume the Founding Fathers would have considered it thoroughly "unamerican." Its regular use as an protest anthem during the Civil Rights and Anti-Vietnam movements only further confuses what connection Glenn Beck was hoping to form at this meeting of former Vietnam supporters and pro-segregationists.

Audio Sample 3 - National Anthem
Perhaps the most obvious choice for a gathering of individuals whose sole unifying stance is loudly shouted hyper-patriotism, the rendition in questions was so slow as to not just be sappy, but almost Tar-like. The heavy use of synthesizer did nothing to improve its authenticity, but the choked emotion as the crowd sang dutifully along suggests none of these theatrics seemed out of place to them. Not many people bothered to stand up from their lawn chair or put their baseball caps over their heart, but you can hardly blame them. They were old, and it was a warm, sunny day. Patriotism shouldn't have to cost you any personal discomfort.

Audio Sample 4 - Christian Soft Rock
The inclusion of a contemporary Christian "When I think About the Lord" may seem odd for a 'veterans and patriots' rally, but not if you've been paying attention to Glenn Beck's regular use of religious allusion to bind his fandom more closely to his message. This wasn't buried in the line up, nor was it the terrible "go home" music played at the end of a concert to clear the place out. This is the song that came on immediately after Glenn Beck left the stage. This was the climax of the entire 8-28 "Restore Our Honor" event. Thank You, Jesus.

Audio Sample 5 - Country
What goes better with New Age evangelism and blind semi-racial nationalist loyalty? Country music, of course, but not the sad, romantic kind. This is Country music in the age of Toby Keith, the "God-Bless-My-Country-So-I-Can-Kick-Your-Ass" subcategory of an otherwise touching and personal musical genre. The song in question celebrates how God and 17 year olds with machine guns prevented us from being overrun by Nazis or Japanese. A critical observer might ask, "Couldn't God have stopped the Nazis without all those 17 year olds killing so many innocent people?" Sure, but then what would we brag about?

The visuals were no less disturbing, but you'll have to wait for the next blog post for a fuller explanation. I can only work on this so long before my writing devolves into tirades, and no one really wants that.

Weber
::(lame)Texpatriot

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